Uhhhmph!

So it has been a long time since I posted something. That last post was from a long time ago that I just posted! Anyways...a lot has happened since then and I even stopped running because life became so busy and these past 9 months have included extreme emotional upheaval for me and I did not feel like myself until more recently, Praise the Lord. Now I am back to running again and as usual God uses that time to speak to me and I am currently in a place more accepting of where God has me in my walk with Him, Praise the Lord again! On several occasions in the last couple of months or so, God really pointed out to me the discipline and pain I am able to endure while I run. I actually embrace it and take joy in the discipline and pain that ensues when trying to get in shape for running because I know and trust that the outcome will be far better than the journey or process. On the other hand, I struggle immensely with the discipline that God tries to instill in me where the outcome again will be far better than the process. Often I reject it and act out like a child who is disobedient to their parent. Rather pathetic actually, if you think about it! Hahahaha! Anyways, in speaking to me about discipline, God was relating the discipline He uses and compared it to other areas of my life where I endure and accept discipline. He was showing me that His discipline is very similar and only for my benefit. I have had a hard time still accepting His discipline. I say, "But God your discipline is so much more painful. I feel like I can't take it and it's just so much easier to stay where I am at...How come I have to go through all this to enhance my relationship with you?!" I am a stubborn woman. People who know me well will tell you that and I like to do things on my timetable and at a pace that is in my control. God has been challenging this in me. I used to get everything I wanted. Lately, not a chance. This year has presented with failure, after failure, and thankfully ended with God's faithfulness in all the matters. God has also been so good in his discipline as much as I have not liked it. I know that God is jealous for me and wants a deeper relationship with me and He is moving me towards Him and sometimes He has to break the leg of His lamb so that she will follow and depend on Him. I was just hoping He wouldn't have to do that to me! But like I said...I'm stubborn, also foolish, and completely incapable without Him!